Jill P. Weber, a psychologist from Washington, claims that from a very early age girls try to make their surroundings feel happier. They learn good behavior easier and that’s why they hear praise more often. Later, in adulthood, women continue to seek proof of their “goodness,” which very often harms their happiness. However, there are ‘bad’ girls among them too – those who care most about their own comfort and pleasure. Should we be like them?
Enlighten decided to figure out how those ‘bad’ girls live and why it makes them happier than ‘good’ girls. It’s up to you to decide how bad their lifestyle is.
1. They sleep in.
Revolutionary Road/DreamWorks PicturesBreakfast at Tiffany’s/Paramount Pictures
Women that value beauty and health, prioritize sleep over projects at work and house chores. They never sacrifice their sleep time for endless, every day, routine things. They are well aware that if they deprive themselves of one or 2 extra hours in bed, they can harm their capacity to work as well as their ability to make decisions and form relationships.
Researchers from the University of California warn that exhausted partners thank each other less often, which affects feelings more negatively than a couple of dirty plates left in the sink. As an option, a woman can ask her husband to share household duties with her so she has more time to sleep in. According to psychologists, marriages where spouses share their household chores are stronger and happier.
2. They are not ashamed of their hobbies.
La La Land/Summit Entertainment LLC
We all have guilty pleasures that we sometimes feel shy to admit. But confident women don’t feel ashamed of their hobbies. They don’t feel that they appear less educated or interesting when they opt to watch a reality show instead of an arthouse masterpiece, or when they prefer to read Twilight instead of Hemingway. “Big Mac, 9 nuggets, and a Coke” after the gym is a situation that relates to them too.
Leonard Reinecke from the University of Mainz considers this sensible behavior. He claims that sometimes we need to remove taboos from guilty pleasures because every time we restrain ourselves from it, our willpower weakens. Therefore, pleasing our small weaknesses from time to time, we keep the ability to show endurance and perseverance in achieving great goals.
3. They don’t suffer from unrequited love.
Bridget Jones’s Diary/StudioCanalMidnight in Paris/Mediapro
It doesn’t mean that all ‘bad’ girls are fatal seducers that don’t know what rejection from men is all about. Their feelings are not always reciprocated by men they like. What makes them different from others is that they don’t spend months looking through their old photos and hoping for a glorious future with their ex after he had broken up the relationship.
Why does it take “good” girls a long time to forget about rejection? Scientists say that it’s all because of the classical ‘female’ upbringing – from a very early age, girls are taught that their strength and power lies in their ability to be liked by others, as well as their ability to please people. After growing up, they continue to believe in this. They perceive a refusal from men as a sign that they haven’t done their best to be liked by the object of their passion and try to correct the situation.
Smart women don’t harbor any illusions about that. Instead, they try to stay open to new people and often end up creating a new relationship where they are loved regardless of their ‘efforts.’
4. They leave meetings when others are late.
Chloe/The Montecito Picture CompanyThe Tourist/Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc
The 15 minute rule doesn’t work for them. They value their time and don’t waste it on those who don’t value other people’s time. Traffic jams, broken heels, coffee spilled on a shirt, and old ladies needing help to cross the street are all not considered serious reasons for being late, but hidden signs of disrespect and reluctance to be at a meeting.
Psychologists believe that by being late people subconsciously demonstrate the fact that a meeting is not the best way to spend their time. Even if an unpredictable obstacle arose on your way, it’s better to reschedule the meeting than to make a person wait for you for the whole hour. A woman that values her time won’t waste it waiting.
5. They express their dissatisfaction right away.
Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amélie Poulain/MiramaxGame of Thrones/HBO
It has been said many times that suppressing negative emotions might be dangerous for the body and relationships with people surrounding you. Nevertheless, many people keep swallowing offenses, dissatisfaction, and disappointment regularly in order to avoid an argument or to not show aggression. Smart women know that you can’t improve a relationship by avoiding conflict.
By constantly postponing clarifying relationships, we subconsciously start to avoid people, places, and situations that cause negative emotions within us. The more often it happens, the socially weaker we feel, and the more limits we put into our life.
That’s why ‘bad’ girls discuss any misunderstandings right away and eliminate the problem, otherwise, they stop the toxic relationship.
6. They are not afraid to upset their mom.
Vicky Cristina Barcelona/MediaproLove Actually/Universal Pictures
A lead researcher at the University of Michigan for Social Research, Kira Birditt, claims that parents, especially mothers, tend to worry about their grown-up daughters more than their sons because traditionally the relationships between mothers and daughters are closer. And it’s the mother- grown-up daughter relationship where tension can be seen more often due to excess parental control.
‘Bad’ girls are not bad enough to give their mom a heart attack but they clearly distinguish the difference between blindly obeying commands and respecting an adult and independent person. And even if parents don’t like the choices their adult daughter makes, she won’t change her mind but instead, will take full responsibility for her choice and any possible unpleasant consequences.
7. They don’t complain about ungrateful children.
The Late Bloomer/Millennium EntertainmentMamma Mia!/Universal Pictures
Writer Peg Streep came up with the 6 worst reasons to have a baby: to have someone who will love you, to meet other people’s expectations, to fit in, to have meaning in life, to have someone to convey your legacy to, to get a new husband, or get back with the ex. Happy and free women don’t have this kind of motivation to have kids.
‘Bad’ girls realize 2 things clearly when they make a decision to become mothers – children won’t become the center of their universe and children are independent people not meant for satisfying parents’ ambitions. Surprisingly, these ‘bad’ moms usually raise more self-sufficient and emotionally stable people. And these children usually feel more thankful to their parents.
8. They don’t implement their ideas in perfect ways.
This Is Us/20th Century Fox Television
We often postpone bold ideas and then explain this action by claiming lack of experience, time, or finances. ‘Bad’ girls would also like to have perfect conditions for starting to realize their plans but their absence doesn’t stop them. A cheap mixer doesn’t stop them from cooking delicious desserts while having a specialization in engineering doesn’t prevent them from participating in training at a marketing agency.
According to Olivia Remes, from the University of Cambridge, instead of thinking about how to complete your project perfectly, it’s better to concentrate on the pleasure you get from building it. You should make a decision quickly and stick to it until the end, even if at the end you understand that your plan was too ambitious. Those people who have too many doubts and keep putting their actions off are prone to depression and low self-esteem.
As you already understood, ‘bad’ girls are not wild and aggressive, but are brave women that respect themselves and that don’t know a bigger happiness in life than their own.
Which type of girl would you relate yourself to? Please tell us about it in the comments!